Love Brings You Home

Poland

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I can remember this moment so clearly, as it flashes through my head. I was staring at my home village, 4 months ago, standing at the top of the hill nearby. My home, my rural idyll, which had given me a feeling of comfort and belonging, upon returning seemed oppressive, crushing and bereft of brightness or warmth.

The excitement of going back was immediately dampened the first minutes I stepped on the Polish ground. I was left completely shattered and devastated by the feelings that I couldn’t explain. I kept saying before, blindly, that living abroad changes you forever, but honestly, I didn’t really realize the true meaning of it, until now.

I was struggling for many days to describe my feelings to those who haven’t experienced them themselves and I couldn’t find a way. I simply felt extremely insecure and unrestful. It was like the bridge over the river behind me collapsed and I couldn’t cross it anymore.

The days were passing by and I had no idea why I was feeling like something was missing. I eventually realized that my home would never, ever again feel the same as it had before. I came face-to-face with the fact that I had unconsciously agreed on this wistful change the moment I had boarded that plane to the United Arab Emirates, a few months ago.

It stroked me how little everything had changed there. Everyone kept struggling with the same problems, as before. My world had to slow down in order to adjust to the people’s life. I maybe missed some weddings, new born’s baptisms, house warming parties. Besides that, everything appears to have stayed the same – however, the truth is that life moved on without me there, as I am no longer part of it. This is a the price to pay with moving abroad.

I constantly oppose a continual pull to go back to the place I call “home”. Because I left the part of myself there, it makes me feel like I’m living in a suspended reality, not really here yet and not really there anymore.

After all, home isn’t really a location; it’s a feeling of belonging and familiarity, the peace of mind, the assurance of security, the sense of community.

Perhaps, I was born to travel. Perhaps, I might be simply constantly searching for a home, wherever I go. I no longer wonder if I will ever again have the same sense of home, I rather brood about making a home at the place that I stay at the moment. Conclusively, in favour of losing the home comfort, I have gained the citizenship of the world.

I spent a lot of amazing moments with my family and friends in Poland. A lot of tears were shed, due to a long time we haven’t seen each others. Life indeed may you to unexpected, breath-taking places. Love brings you home.

Expect the Unexpected

Mauritius

Life may bring you to unexpected places, to moments so vivid, warm and full of light. To stumbling stones, obstacles in your path, bumping in the potholes along your way, wrong twists and turns and the strangers flashing by. Either way, those moments mold your life.

To embrace the change, you need to step out of your own experience and allow the unexpected to happen. You need to welcome it and accept it. You need to expect the unexpected.

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We’re constantly being told that the future can be forecasted, so we try to predict it; that we can’t live without a backup plan, so we spend whole life living in the insecureness, wondering what we would do in case we lost everything; that the world is accessible and knowable, yet, we tend to put down the roots; that risk can’t be measured and managed, so we want to have no part of it.

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I used to be so passionate about planning every little detail of my life, not letting any unexpected or unwanted things to come up and ruin my schedule. I was not aware I was missing on the real adventure, challenges and opportunities. Today, I often find life so much more rewarding. Tomorrow’s possibilities float around in my head and keep me awake at night. The world’s always too big and the day’s always too short.

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This year has unfolded so many new and unexpected opportunities right before my eyes. A new job brought me to travel nearly every day. I am so very fortunate to have been given the chance to live my life the way it makes me happy and the way I’ve chosen to live it.

I have found that life is indeed what we make it. By changing our perspective, we have the chance to create a joyful journey for ourselves by making the right choices. My faith assures me that nothing happens by accident and every new unforeseen challenge is somehow part of God’s plan. You never know where life will take you, but it’s always for a reason. You just have to maintain an open mind.

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You Have to Let Go to Receive

Mauritius

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Life’s a lap of the sea caressing, holding me in a tight embrace, breath of fresh breeze filtered through rustle of the palm trees. Life’s the sand caught between my toes, footprints left in the sand, the waves crashing violently against the shore and stillness so pure so that I can sit, breathe, and absorb the very essence of the sea, earth and sky.

„Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”
(Isaiah 43, 18-19)

It’s been almost a year since I stumbled upon these words. At the time, I was in a difficult place, emotionally and mentally. I felt as if my situation was hopeless and that there was nothing for me: no opportunity, no relief from the chronic tiredness and pain. I spent so much time and energy dwelling on the past, my mistakes, failures and disappointments. I wasn’t moving forward. I was stuck in one place, looking back at the mess that was my life.

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I prayed to God with the heart full of anger, bitterness, resentment and reproaches. I prayed so that He would help me to navigate through my cluttered life. And He did help me.

I trusted God had a store for me and would create a path of guidance through the mess. The way I had to prepare for it is by getting rid of the old. I opened my heart to receive healing and restoration. Eventually, I let go of past hurts, forgave and forgot the former things to make room for the new.

Would I ever expect I would be writing this post sitting by the Indian Ocean on a beautiful Island of Mauritius? I wouldn’t. And this is how amazing God’s ways are.

I’m ready for challenges now. My path is here at the moment, and what matters is that I’m finally facing the right way.2222

Before I find happiness with another person

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I hate to admit this but… I enjoy being single. There’s a certain thrill and freedom that comes from it. I have plans that involve settling down, however I am genuinely happy with where I am right now. I do believe marriage and romantic partnership can be one the of the most beautiful, satisfying things in the world when all the elements are right. And I do believe there is an opportune time for everything in life but I am not trying to rush anything.

Being single for so long has made me an emotionally self-reliant person. It has allowed me to learn how to be capable of succesful dealing with challenges and problems life throws at me. It has allowed me to learn to listen to myself and act by myself. It has allowed me to learn to believe in my own ability to achieve success and happiness in life. It has allowed me to focus solely on my life goals, ambitions, personal growth and development. It has allowed me to turn out to be strong and independent.

This time for me is an opportunity to become an emotionally mature woman, who is ready for a serious relationship, self-conscious and self-confident. The kind of person that would help their partner grow.

But right now, I desire to travel the world at a moment’s notice and without anybody’s permission (which could be quite difficult if I was in relationship). Right now, I love meeting new people and trying new things that broaden my horizons. Right now, I appreciate being able to really get to know myself and be happy by myself before I find happiness with another person.

I was born under Libra

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The natal chart is a constant reminder of our chosen path in life. On the day I was born, the star pattern overhead was truly unique, and those eight planets plus the Sun and moon will never occupy the same placements again. I believe that the positions of planets and stars on my birthdate dictate my personality. For me it’s a way to discover who I am.


With the Sun in Libra, I naturally am a giving person, sacrificing my own interest for the sake of an inner vision. My energy mainly is applied to personal and private affairs and this gives me a shy, reserved, introspective disposition with a tendency to seek a secluded, peaceful, quiet life-style. I may not do well in social situations but in private my true self definitely comes out. I definitely need my time alone so I can recharge after being around people. I am diplomatic and tend to avoid offending others.

Moon in Scorpio gave me a courageous, brave, independent and not a fearful nature. I am definitely not as emotionally responsive as most people. I tend to hold back and wait before expressing myself, and when I do it is with deliberation. My emotional well-being is often dependent on stability.
I will not tolerate interference with my plans or submit to imposition. I have strong and stubborn will and determination to carry out what I undertake.
I find it difficult to trust people as I am suspicious of their inner thoughts and plans. Allowing myself to be vulnerable and to relinquish control in relationships is not easy for me. I am fiercely loyal, if not sometimes possessive. I love with passion and I hate with passion. I have a habit of holding on to wrongs that have been done in the past and not forgiving nor forgetting.

Mercury in Virgo had me be an exacting perfectionist with a clear, logical and analytical mind with an aptitude for work that requires meticulous attention to detail and efficient organization. My strengths are in the precise thinking, careful craftsmanship, and mastery of technical sills. I tend to be very good at what I do and am critical of others’ work if it does not meet my high standards. I am also easily irritable and nervous.

The placement of Venus in Virgo is one that can manifest as me feeling compelled to sacrifice my desires and give too much of myself in exchange for validation from other people.  This can lead to me attracting very needy or demanding people. I am very devoted, do not show emotions: I am prudish and never let myself go, either through fear of ridicule or through fear of not being loved in return as much as I love. I am therefore sometimes too undemonstrative, so the other (thinking they are not loved) may leave.

With Mars in Gemini I like to exert my energy and initiative through self-development, travel, exploration, sports, religion, philosophy or higher education, in order to gain a broad experience of life. I enjoy any form of intellectual challenge and do well in gaining academic qualifications. I have a crusading spirit, breadth of vision and strong religious or philosophical convictions.

With Jupiter in Leo I am generous, kind, compassionate and altruistic.  I have big ambitions, want to impose myself to be someone, while nonetheless having sincere and pure feelings. Sometimes I might get too proud or arrogant.

The placement of Saturn in Capricorn gave me scrupulous, honest, correct, worthy and respectable personality. I am serious-minded and mature achiever, I pride myself on my ability to focus my attention totally on some worthy goal and then obtain it. Sometimes I might get into melancholy, sullenness, disappointment and bitterness.

As Capricorn Uranus I am responsible and capable of handling power with ease. Freedom and independence are very important to me and I am not deterred by others in going my own way, so I can persist and succeed.

Being Capricorn Neptune I am conservative and traditional.

Pluto in Scorpio put me in intense research and discovery in areas that are heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. I tear through appearances in an effort to get beneath, behind, and at the heart or essence. I find psychology of great interest. Intense personal change and inner growth are my lifelong habits.

The North Node was placed in Aquarius when I was born, which means that emotional and spiritual growth is required – I will come to realise that worldly accomplishment and material success do not bring true happiness. Eventually my greatest desire will be for full maturity through inner integration and emotional well-being. Home life will be important to me.

As my Lilith is found in Sagittarius a deeply rooted, fierce independence appears which permeates into my every day life. I am driven by both an insatiable wanderlust and a spine tingling fear of any kind of dependence. At my very core I am devoid of the need for security and protection that some women have and am therefore next to impossible to possess in traditional ways.

To live in a new place is a thrilling experience

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People often ask me why I moved out from my home country and I’m not sure whether they are not satisfied with my answer or they just don’t seem to understand.

I wanted to evolve, to change something, to put myself in an uncomfortable new situation, that would force me into a new phase of my life.

I wanted to escape myself. I built up tremendous webs of places, where I used to go, of arguments and people from which, sometimes, I felt like I couldn’t break free. There were too many bridges to burn, too many relations and feelings that have turned sour and restaurants, at which I’ve eaten at least five times before.

I wanted to escape somewhere, where no one would know who I was and no one would ask.

Places, where I used to live changed me. They shaped my character, they steered the things I used to do everyday and formed my life in general. It was a weird feeling to realize how much of „me” was based more on the geographic location more than anything else, after I moved to United Arab Emirates.

I had to start from zero and rebuild everything. I had to re-learn how to live and carry out every day activities like a child, which altered my character (and still does).

Walking streets, drinking coffee or eating dinner — I am left alone for hours, days with nothing but my own thoughts.

To live in a new place is a miraculous, thrilling experience and it shows me that I can be whoever I want — on my own terms. It gives me the gift of freedom, of opportunity to develop, of new beginnings, of curiosity and excitement. But to start over, to get on that plane, doesn’t come without a price.

Two months of constant stay in Dubai and I already started to feel anxious. Thankfully, I’m back to traveling again! Yesterday I came back from London (United Kingdom). I enjoyed it and definitely looking forward to visiting this city next time. Last week I also went for Safari trip to the desert, which truly was an amazing experience.

I turned my life into a journey

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It’s been a month since I moved to Dubai. It’s probably too early to say these words, but I look back and I know, that squeezing my life into a suitcase and leaving my native Poland was the best decision that I could have possibly made. I turned my life into a journey filled with uncertainty, which allows me to grow up in unexpected ways, the ways that I would never experience in Poland.

I love the nights and evenings here, looking how the fulgent city wakes up, just before I go to sleep. I love the mornings, staring through the balcony window at the mosque, while I hear people’s prayers stirred up by the first rays of the rising Sun. How incredibly special it is!

About six months ago, I shared my plans and dreams with people. I was told I would never achieve anything. I was told I didn’t have enough skills or experience. I was told I was not good enough. I was told it was better to stay home. I was told my dreams would never come true.

I took all those words into my heart. Instead of becoming down and resigned, I left all those people behind. I got completely and firmly committed to a clear course of action. There was no room for sitting on the fence.

Lots of people told me how brave I was. But I knew that courage is not the most important factor with regard to making decision. It’s about wanting it with all heart. I don’t think I’ve ever experience a feeling of being scared. It came my way, I had to deal with it, there was no longer a place for fear. And why would I be scared? I trusted God makes all things work together for my good.

If anybody told me two years ago that I would be the person I am, in the place, where I am right now – I wouldn’t bielieve.

I got to know what it means to give up comfort, what it means to start from scratch. I know what marveling at the world every day feels like. And it being such a huge, endless world – how could I choose not to keep traveling and discovering it?